I Let Go!

I really want to hate you, but something in my soul cries for love.

I try with every fiber of my being to not think of you. How can I forget the connection we had and have? Why do we have this connection that keeps me lost in you?

When I think of you, am I keeping my self in the past? Focusing on my hands keeps me connected to now.

I have been told countless times you were no good for me, but something inside of me does not believe. I know you differently than everyone else.

Could I have created the emptiness I feel? Have my thoughts created what I truely did not want to happen?

My biggest nightmare turned into the greatest reality. Did I create this reality? Or was it what was supposed to happen?

The pain in my heart is real I feel. Or is it an illusion that keeps me feeling pain.

So many questions I have inside, but for now I will live the questions and wait the answers.

Could you be the answer that I needed to move forward?

Lost inside I have been, keeping myself away from potentail pain, only brings me more pain.

I disconnected you from me, but still feel like you are connected to me. Is it you that I am connected to? Or is there another force that says I need your connection?

I give you away to the universe! You have my complete blessing to love the way you want. It is none of my business and I want it to stay that way.

Me saying I want nothing to do with you is really me not wanting to face my pain. Though there is pain I feel, it is mine not yours.

I have said alot to you, but there is alot more that I have not said. I have tried and tried and tried to hate you, but the Universe, God and my Angels remind me that hate is not a part.

My biggest nightmare came true, even when I really tried to believe it wouldn't. My predictions are real not just becasue of what I feel. For one day you will understand what I have predicted to you was a glimpse of the future that I tried to run from. Now instead of running, I stop and face it and look at it with fresh eyes.

I tried to get you to tell me the truth of what is in your heart, but you ran from believing from the start. There is a hole in my heart, but not from you, from me believing the stupid part.

My tears came often, more than you know, mostly from the space that I allowed to grow. I felt safe to cry in front of you even when you felt ashamed or scared of my tears too. There were times I could not hold it in, so I let it flow. Right now I am human and can't deny the tears that know.

As I try to move forward with dreams that I have, I will never forget the love that we had. Faith tells me that I can not hold on to that love for there is more from above. I can not save you nor can I do anything more for you nor can you save me.

I am empty completely! Now is my chance to fill my heart with what was intended to be my part from the very start!